This song was originally written for seminal Charlotte sketch comedy troupe The Perch, in the summer of 2006. It was the first original song I had written for a comedy troupe and got an absolute trial by fire: the first show in which it was featured was performed for Pride Charlotte. They loved it, so I knew I was okay.
lyrics
I’ve done a lot of things that I regret
I’m not too proud of a lot of my life
But I feel like I’ve been given another chance
When I look in her blue eyes
And I hope that I teach her well
I hope that she can tell right from wrong
I close my eyes and pray
Lord, let my daughter be a dyke
Let her crave a woman’s touch
Whether femme or raging butch
Just don’t let her date
Anyone like me
Men are only after one thing
We plot and scheme and strategize
After all, why do you think
I hung around with her mom in the first place?
And I hope that she’s well-liked
And I hope she always knows she’ll always be
Daddy’s little girl
But Lord, let my daughter be a dyke
Birkenstocks and flannel shirts
Other girls are worthless flirts
But she’ll never date
Anyone like me
And when boys knock on our door I’ll say
“Sorry, Charlie isn’t in today”
Then I’ll punch them anyway
For sniffing around my little girl
I see you staring, you’re fucking sick
Think with your head and not your dick
Or I’ll remove both
Lord, let my daughter be a dyke
Ovaries filled with useless eggs
She’ll shave her head but not her legs
And she’ll never date
Anyone like me
No she’ll never date anyone
Like ______________ or me
credits
from Here's What I Really Think of You,
released October 17, 2009
Recorded and mixed by Scott Slagle at Asylum Digital Recording, Charlotte NC.
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